The last word

A Catsuit that once belonged to me. A stretchy scarlet halter-neck affair which I deemed at one point - a fair few years back, I hasten to add - the appropriate attire for a ball. (It may not have been right but it was certainly fitting!)

Said suit is now bedecked with Mam's hastily-tacked fringing following its appearance in a '70s-style musical worn by sister. An appearance I deemed most inappropriate.

Mind you, my shopping partner at the time, Nan, did a most uncharacteristic raising of her eyebrows when I bought the get-up. Usually she can be relied up on to say, 'Ooh, lovely!' but I remember she asked, 'HOW much?' And then, 'Well, if YOU like it...' You could feel the generation gap throbbing through those three little dots.

As I'm now packing for a weekend abroad (Husb is on yet another non-stop-golf-fest) the question of propriety again raises its head. Today's papers are full of the World Cup and how to best fill your cups - the bikini variety. I'm fresh from reading a piece entitled What Your Bikini Says About You. According to the photographs I'm neither sweet, bubbly, sensual or brash. Where's knackered, uncommunicative and leave-me-alone-I'm-reading when you need it?

HANGING in my sister's wardrobe is a red catsuit. My mother's having trouble with the appropriate amount of clothing to pack. I've asked her to pack light and so, shopaholic as she is, she's bought new micro Catsuits. She's just been on the phone explaining how, if she packs her toiletry bag, then there isn't any room for anything else. As my father helpfully pointed out to her, 'We usually go with two big suitcases and come back with a third - so get real will you?'

Going to Majorca seems most inappropriate when this weekend is supposed to be so sunny. If it rains in Spain I shall stay mainly on the plane.

So will I be watching the match today? The only appropriate response to that is - what do you think?

Should I venture into a Majorcan 'Brit' pub sweating with bare-chested England supporters or...

Then again, as it's the World Cup opener for England today, getting out of the country seems a fitting thing to do. Especially as I've pulled Paraguay in the office sweepstake.